SortaCrunchy

Baby Week: On Four-Month-Olds

This will be brief.  Thanksgiving preparation and all that.

As I mentioned earlier in the Baby Week series, I've so been enjoying reading the new baby chronicles at O My Family.  Allison has been very open and honest about the rocky time they are going through right now with BabyO - particularly where sleep is concerned.  It can be outrageously frustrating to go from having a baby who sleeps so soundly at night to having many wake-ups many times a night.

(I mean, not that I would know from from personal experience with my babies.  Neither of my babies slept all the way through the night until they were well into toddlerhood, but AJ has been waking up quite a bit with teething pain recently, so I can completely empathize with Allison's sleep deprivation.)

So, AllisonO, you smart, pretty, lovely mama, you - this post is for you!

Here's the deal about four-month-olds - YIKES.

So, so many changes are happening at four months that even the most steady of mamas can go into meltdown mode.  In the interest of brevity, I'm just going to point you towards what other mamas who are far, far wiser than I have said in other places:

ON SLEEP:

AskMoxie (whom I totally admire and totally want to be when I grow up) has written several times on the four-month-old sleep regression.  Here is an extensive post explaining what is happening with four-month-olds and how it affects sleep.

Here is another post at AskMoxie where she just opened up the comments for people to share their four-month-old mama woes.

And one more link to an article at kellymom regarding whether or not wakeful four-month-olds need to eat at night.  My pedi said no.  Jan Barger, LC, disagrees.

ON NURSING:

Lots of mamas of four-month-olds get frustrated because this is the phase when once super-focused, efficient nursers will begin to unlatch and look around and fiddle around at the breast. 

This is totally normal.

(And it ties into the sleep thing, too.  Alert, healthy babies who are hurdling through cognitive development are so busy taking in the world during the day, they simply haven't the time to focus on filling tummies.  Many will wake up to tank up at night.)

Finally, breastfed babies may experience some weight changes at four months.  Here is a fantastically helpful article at Light and Momentary on breastfed four-month-olds.

Allison, I hope that in some small way this is encouraging to you - if for no other reason than knowing this is all completely normal and it will pass.  I promise.  The time Dacey was four to five months old was the height of my Dark Days as a new mama.  Six months forward?  OSoBlissfull.  (sorry, couldn't resist)

(You would never know from the picture above that my Dacey Girl was such a handful at four months, would you?)

Any other words of advice or encouragement for those weathering the four-month-old days?

pssst

I don't really want to interupt all the amazing dialogue happening in the Baby Week series, but I do have a couple of things I want to mention:

1) Last week, Typepad rolled out a new feature - the microblog (aka Typepad Micro).  It's sort of like Tumblr for Typepad users, although as I understand it, anyone can sign up for and do the microblogging thing free through Typepad?  I don't know that I understand all the details.

Anyway, some of you may have noticed the new button in the sidebar for megspots.  It's my new microblog - a place for various and sundry pictures, links, and commentary - most of which wouldn't really fit SortaCrunchy's content or maybe I'll share things there that might be too provocative or controversial for SC discussion.  Who knows?  Feel free to completely ignore it.  Or whatever.

2) I'll write more on this post-Thanksgiving, but in light of the shopping (consumerism) extravanza that is about to commence, I wanted to make mention of Christmas Change.  It's the sort of thing both ordinary radicals and devoted traditionalists could get into, and since plenty from each camp hang out here, I wanted to make you aware.

(Lora Lynn is all over the inspiration today.  Linus would be so proud.)

Baby Week: Maternal Instinct or Conventional Wisdom - Which to Trust?

Let's continue on a little more with Baby Week, shall we?

On last Monday's post, my beautiful friend (and new mama) Laura left this note in the comments:

" . . . like maybe someone could tell me where that line is between Trusting Your Instincts and Trusting In Conventional Wisdom?"

I've been thinking that over quite a bit in the past week.  I think it is very, very common in those early weeks and months to wonder what this magical Mommy Instinct is and just how helpful can it be?  In my experience, finding and heeding an internal mothering instinct is an art - something that may take some practice in the beginning for some, but that will feel more natural with time.

Your mothering instinct can be trusted to tell you when everything is right.  Your mothering instinct can be trusted to alert you when something is wrong.  But in our culture, we have so many voices speaking so many opinions, it can be hard to know what is instinct and what is an opinion of someone else which we have internalized.

I have found that my own Mommy Instinct can be read as either smiling or frowning.  (Stay with me here.)  When all is right with baby and the rest of the family, when we have found solutions that work for us, when we settle into life rhythms that, although are perhaps not the ideal we had always imagined but bring peace and a sense of right-ness to our family nonetheless, then my Mommy Instinct smiles a warm, heart-happy grin.

But all of us who have weathered some parenting trials know that there are times when things are definitely not right.  Baby is discontent, Daddy doesn't have the answers, other little ones in the home are hurting, and Mama is sinking.  Maybe there's some colic or reflux or any number of things happening, but one thing is for sure - we have a problem.  Your Mommy Instinct will throw up some great big red flags to alert you to this.

If your Mommy Instinct is smiling most of the time, may I suggest that you don't need any conventional wisdom?  You already have the wisdom you need for that particular day/month/phase.

If your Mommy Instinct is frowning, it's time to open the Mommy Tool Box and attempt to find a good solution.  You know what is so frustrating about being a new mama?  That Mommy Tool Box?  It's a little bit empty.  So this is where you start to (carefully, selectively) ask around and begin building up a Tool Box O' Resources that will serve you well on the journey ahead.

Here's an example from my own life.  It's no secret that we had many sleep issues when Dacey was a baby.  The main issue was that I had internalized some advice that "baby should sleep XX minutes per nap, X a day, and be sleeping through the night by XX weeks of age."  Now, if I were to do it all over again, I would not consider her sleep issues to be problems.  I know now that babies eat when they're hungry and sleep when they're tired and it's all pretty simple.

But.

It was a problem for me at that time.  I didn't have a single tool in my Mommy Tool Box with which to fix it, so I asked some friends and read some books.  The advice of friends was somewhat-helpful and somewhat-not.  When I tried to follow the advice of some and let Dacey cry-it-out (more accurately scream-it-out because this went far beyond crying) at the time I had ordained as nap time, my Mommy Instinct went into meltdown mode.  Racing pulse, shaking hands, irresistible compulsion to rescue her - the whole bit.  It was like a ticker tape parade of red flags all over the place.  I knew that tool wouldn't work for us. 

So I read some books.  And I will be dadgummed but what I didn't find some super helpful information and advice.  Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child served as a tremendously helpful tool for teaching me some basic information about infant sleep.  True, his stance on cry-it-out is different than mine, but at that point, I had already ruled it out as a solution, so I was able to incorporate his other words of wisdom about sleep.  I learned about infant sleep cycles and the importance of early baby bedtimes and reasonable and developmentally appropriate awake times and how to recognize sleepy cues.  So much stuff that my Mommy Instinct just wasn't able to teach me.

(And these days I would probably be more likely to recommend No Cry Sleep Solution to friends - it's a LOT of the same information plus non-CIO techniques to promote infant sleep.)

I'm sure every mama could tell story after story of situations that came up that were clearly problems, but what to do?

So, Laura, my response to your (really great and truly relevant) question would be to first stop and assess how much you actually need the Conventional Wisdom.  You've got the basics down pat.  I mean, just look at the preciousness.  You feed her, you change her diapers, you listen to what she is telling you and you respond.  You are a pro at the essentials here, I can assure you of that.  But yes, situations will come along where you need some outside resources.  So you investigate, you dig a little, you ask around, you filter it through what you think might work, you experiment, you learn.

The voice of that mothering instinct will get louder with time and practice, and you'll grow into being more at-ease with trusting it.  I promise.

Who else can weigh in on this question for my wonderful friend?  What say you?  Where do you find the balance between instinct and conventional wisdom? 

And (another) Baby Makes Four!

(ohmygosh, look at those baby toesies!  I could just eat them up! photo by D Sharon Pruitt.)

In the comments on Monday's post, both Lauren and Jen mentioned that their families are about to add a plus one.

I remember in the days, weeks, and months leading up to AJ's arrival, I thought a LOT about what life with two littles would be like.  Almost all of my mommy friends prepared me for the fact that there would be many moments of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, overwhelmed, confused, overwhelmed, and exhausted.  And overwhelmed.

BUT.

These same veterans assured me that in no time at all, we would hit our stride and it would be so hard to remember what life was like before Baby Numero Dos had joined the family . . . that life was about to change all over again, and that it would be amazing.

(Interestingly, all of my friends who have three or more children have told me the transition from one to two kids is absolutely the hardest family transition.  Most of them insist that after baby number two, the rest just sort of fall into place.  Now, I am a little unsure of how much stock to put into this because the way I see it, Mom and Dad have to go from Man-to-Man Coverage to Zone Defense pretty much all of the time.  How can that be easy?  Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts on that, O Moms of Many!)

Although this wasn't one of the posts I had planned for Baby Week, I know there are many sweet readers who would have wonderful, loving, helpful, and practical advice for my Lauren and Jen and all the other mamas about to bring home a new baby sister or brother.

As for me?  What advice would I share?

Well, practically speaking, I have two suggestions:

1) Invest in a great new baby carrier (if you don't already have one).  All of my new mama friends are gaga over a stretchy wrap of some kind.  The Moby is the classic choice, but I have friends who are in love with the Sleepy Wrap.  Friend Jaime adores her Lovey Duds.  You are going to want something that allows your hands to be attend to your other child while keeping the new one close to you.  Bonus: wearing a new baby in a stretchy wrap keeps germy stranger fingers from lovingly infecting your new baby with random sickies.

2) If your older child will be at home with you during the day, create busy bags or something similar to keep them entertained during those new baby nursing sessions that can go on and on.

Emotionally preparation?  That can be a little more tricky.

One thing that really helped me was to give myself permission to mourn The Way It Was.  I did a little of this before Dacey was born, so I knew it was a natural, normal part of going through a life change, but I felt kind of guilty over my sadness when I was pregnant with AJ.  I'm glad I took the time before AJ arrived, though, to really just be with my emotions about the changes that were about to happen. 

I will be the first to admit that it took me a while - much longer than I was prepared for - to get the whole Mama of Two Thing down.  Truth be told, I still have overwhelmed moments.  But now that the girls are older, they no longer simply tolerate each other.  They are growing into real friends.  And that, my friends, is amazing.

* * * * *

I can concur with the truth my mama friends spoke about how you eventually do adapt to, embrace, and celebrate the changes that come with the second baby.  AJ is so much fun.  Oh my word.  Life without her?  I can't even bear the thought of it. 

* * * * *

But really, this post isn't about me at all.  I want to invite YOU to weigh in with words of encouragement, advice, and reflection for Lauren and Jen.  What worked when you grew your family?  What would you change?  What would you say to them?

Feel free to share your response in the comments, or write a post of your own and post the link in the comment section.  I can't wait to hear the wisdom you have to share!

Baby Week: Words of Wisdom from Days of Yore

photo by terry6082

When I first announced my pregnancy with Dacey to my teacher friends (back in my schoolmarm days), a sweet little older teacher cornered me in the workroom to tell me that I would, of course, have to get rid of my cats now.  

Now I've been a big believer in the practice of assigning positive intent long before I had ever heard of such a phrase.  I took her well-meaning advice with a grain of (kosher) salt for I knew that she was simply trying to protect me and my unborn child from the horrors of housecats.  I mean, I can't really expect that a person over sixty-five will always check her facts with Snopes, right?

(Evidently I'm not the only one who has been offered this warning.  Let's Panic, a hilarious send-up of all things pregnancy and mommyhood, reminds us all to run from cats.)

Many of us who have crossed into motherhood know that sporting a baby bump invites advice and wisdom from all ages.  When you are bombarded on all sides by "you really should" and "you really shouldn't," it's easy to start tuning out everything and everyone.

And yet . . .

Sometimes there comes along a word of wisdom from the mouth of someone who has been walked along the mothering way far longer than we have - a word that has the potential to really, really help a new mama.

Kyle's grandmother gave birth to and raised eight babies in a tiny house in a time when there was nary a parenting book on a shelf to guide her.  She had to rely on her mommy instincts and the wisdom of those who came before her.  She passed on some advice about new babies to Kyle's mama who passed it on to me.  This was so very helpful when my littles were brand new, and I hadn't thought about it in a long time, but last week it resurfaced in my mind during an email exchange with friends.  Hopefully, I'll get to share it with my girls someday, and today I'm sharing it with you:

When you are rocking or holding a new baby to sleep, there will come a point when that baby crosses the mark from light sleep to deep, deep sleep.  This is the point they can pass the "limb test" - they are just conked out.  Many babies will sigh a great big full-body sigh when they cross into deep sleep.  Once you hear/feel the sigh, you know you can lay her down in bed without fearing that she'll jolt awake. 

(I've found this to be particularly true with very new babies.  Eventually the sleep patterns change and that tell-tale sigh becomes extinct.  Wahhhhhh.)

I am so thankful for that little nugget of rocking chair wisdom!  It has served me well in my time spent a'rockin.

So now it's your turn!

I would love for you to tell me the best advice you've received from a mother, grandmother, aunt, or any other veteran mama in your life.

(Okay, it is a lot of fun to hear the silly stuff that those little old ladies pictured above felt led to tell you, too . . .)

Baby Week @ SortaCrunchy!

Mama and Dacey (four months), Summer 2005

This season of life smells like Dreft.

Of course, it comes and goes, but I'm in the middle of days where I feel like everyone I know is either newly pregnant, largely pregnant, or has just brought home a squirming bundle of blessing.

I've recently become addicted to blogs like Becoming Sarah and O My Family.  I can't get enough of new mamas journaling new days.

Two of my dearest friends have new baby girls at home, and I love, love, love our back-and-forth emails discussing the minutiae of motherhood.

All of this baby talk has stirred up some ideas for discussion here at SortaCrunchy, and I wonder if you will indulge me in having a Baby Week?

Let me be clear: there are no imminent plans for a third owlet to join the nest.  I just like to talk about the babies.  I'm one of those crazy cats who loves (and longs for) the sleepy, bleary, dreamy newborn days, replete with sighs and scrunched faces and sleep smiles.

Can you humor a nostalgic mama whose baby is fully, completely, and utterly two?

Like I've said, I've got some ideas of my own, but I am open to anything you want to talk about as well.  Just drop a little comment or perhaps send an email my way.

In the meantime, I'll be in the laundry aisle with an open bottle of Dreft, grinning like the crazy lady that I am . . .

Introducing Boiron's Homeopathic Medicines for Children

The cold and flu season continues to take its toll on families, and increasing concern about H1N1 is still reported on almost daily.  (Even as I write this, I'm feeling the effects of an ugly tummy virus!)

When our little ones are sick, we want to help them feel better, and yet we want to do so safely.  As the daughter of an RN and a dentist (with an Masters in Public Health), I grew up in a very pro-medication home.  Everything from sniffles to tummy upset were treated quickly with the medicine spoon. 

However, both Kyle and I tend to be a little more hesitant with traditional medications.  Kyle is fairly sensitive to the effects of medication and usually only turns to them as a last resort.  We've noticed the same sensitivity in Dacey and are keeping an eye on AJ for similar reactions.  Because of this (and because of my notorious natural-leaning approaches to all of life), we are relying more and more on homeopathic remedies to treat ourselves and our children.

Homeopathy is simply an approach to wellness that helps the body rebalance and heal itself.  Natural substances are used in micro-doses to trigger self-healing within the intricate and delicate systems of the body.  This approach can be particularly helpful for parents who share the FDA's concerns about the safety and efficacy of OTC medication for colds, coughs, and flu in children under 6.

This is why I'm excited to introduce to you today a new line of homeopathic treatments designed especially for children from Boiron - a company whom you might already know for Oscillococcinum.

(full disclosure: Boiron is one of SortaCrunchy's newest sponsors)

As anyone who has already encountered the flu this season knows, the traditional antivirals are hard to find in some areas and are very expensive.  Additionally, there have been major concerns raised about dosages of antivirals (such as Tamiflu) in children.  An accidental overdose of an antiviral can be toxic for a child.

Boiron recognized the need for a homeopathic approach to health and healing for children (over 2) not only for those affected by a strain of the flu, but also those who have picked up one of the many cold and cough viruses so prevalent this time of year.  They now have three products on the market that I want to make you aware of:

1) Children's Oscillococcinum are sweet-tasting melt-aways that will reduce the duration and severity of the flu and flu-like symptoms.  Just like Oscillo, it should be given at the first sign of achiness and fever. 

2) Children's Coldcam Pellets are also in melt-away form, and unlike so many OTC cold remedies which treat only one or two symptoms, these pellets are a complete multi-symptom cold reliever for sneezing, runny nose, nasal congestion and minor sore throat pain.

3) Children's Chestal is an all-in-one formula to relieve all types of coughs due to minor throat and bronchial irritation that may occur with a cold. 

Each of these products from Boiron work safely and naturally without causing side effects and they won’t interact with other medications. They do not contain any of the ingredients questioned by the FDA for use in young children.  You can read much more about each of these products on Boiron's blog.

And I personally wanted to mention that as a consumer, it can be overwhelming and confusing to choose a safe, trustworthy product for a family in an era when all sorts of companies have products labeled "safe and all-natural!" on the shelves.  Something that impresses me so much about Boiron is that as a pharmaceutical company, Boiron maintains the highest standards in manufacturing, complying with U.S. Food and Drug Administration regulations, the Homeopathic Pharmacopoeia of the United States and drug Good Manufacturing Practices.

The great news is that these new products especially created to treat children can be found quite easily.  Your local health food store probably carries them, but you could also check out CVS, Rite Aid, or Walgreens.  You can use the store finder or the mail-order/online-only search to find them.

Finally, Boiron would like to invite you to click to this page to find a $1 off coupon to be used for any of these three new products for children.