Laura and I so appreciate the feedback you've shared in our last two posts on sleep (and the lack thereof) in the first year of baby's life.
Several of you have mentioned in the comments or in private emails that you are really struggling through the long, bleary days that follow nights of much-interrupted sleep. We are honored and humbled that you would ask for our advice, but we want to preface any solutions we offer by stating again that our primary encouragement would be for each parent to seek our Father's wisdom first before turning to the advice of man (or woman). Also, please remember that Laura and I are far, far from being sleep experts of any kind, and anything we have to offer we've simply picked up along the way as God has placed direction and advice in our paths.
We want to take the time in today's post to tell you all what has gotten us through the long nights and often groggy days that follow. We so look forward to hearing more advice from others who have also found solutions that work!
From Laura:
Leaning on my spouse
In the early newborn days, Mark is so great about getting up with me at night; doing the diaper changes, bringing me tall glasses of water, and just generally giving moral support. Over time, as I gain confidence and hit more of a groove, I find that I don't wake him anymore, as it's quicker to just take care of things myself. Many a weekend morning, though, I've placed the wide-awake baby in Mark's waiting arms when the sun comes up, while I fall into bed for a couple more precious hours of sleep. As our kids grow from newborns into the older-baby stage, Mark still obviously can't help with breastfeeding. But on those rough nights where illness or other factors mean that nursing just isn't quite cutting it, or the waking seems almost constant, he can take a shift - walking the floors, bouncing and humming, providing that comfort while I soak up a little more rest. We also have a system in place where, during the hours from when we go to bed until we wake up, Mark gets up with our four-year-old if she needs the potty, a drink, etc.; and I focus on tending to the baby. So while I definitely tend to have more late-night calls, we do team up on the nighttime parenting duties.
Catching up with the DVR
I'd like to say that I take each middle-of-the-night feeding and spend it in focused prayer or in awe of the miracle of life. Quite honestly, though, I sometimes just need a distraction at that hour to keep from melting into a pool of sorry whining and wallowing. So I keep a bunch of recorded shows on hand, particularly in those first several weeks when feedings tend to take a crazy...long...time. If I'm going to be up anyway, I might as well be catching up with 30 Rock. I'm pretty sure I watched nearly the entire 2005 season of American Idol between the hours of 1:00 and 4:00 AM.
Looking ahead
Another non-spiritual strategy I sometimes use is to set a goal or incentive for myself for the bleary-eyed day ahead. Whether it's the promise of a trip through the Starbucks drive-thru after preschool pick-up, or making a date with my husband to crash on the couch together after the kids are in bed that evening, it often helps to have a lovely little plan in front of me.
Pursuing Perspective
This one has been much easier to lean on with my second-born, as I obviously lacked the personal experience when I was navigating the newborn haze with my Maya four years ago. Sitting in Noah's room in the wee hours, I often think of my sweet daughter sleeping soundly in the next room, no longer needing to be rocked or cuddled to sleep. And it's in those moments that I'm hit with two realizations: First, that these days (er, nights), won't last forever; that there are more restful nights just around the corner. And second, that there is a part of me that will miss sitting in my cozy recliner in the nighttime stillness with a baby snuggled up in my arms. Because those babies dare to grow up and become more independent by the day. We long for that growth when we're feeling all foggy and sleep-deprived, hardly able to even imagine what a full night's worth of rest would feel like. But far too soon, we stand misty-eyed beside the big-kid bed, wishing there was a way to slow time's relentless march forward. Sometimes, remembering those things is enough to cause my frustration to fizzle, as I draw my sweet boy just a bit closer to me in that big chair, thanking God for the gift of that moment.
From Megan:
Early Bedtimes (sometimes)
When Dacey was about four or five months old, the effects of being up at night hit me the hardest. At one point I was considering weaning Dacey and switching to formula in hopes that it would last in her tummy longer and she would, theoretically, sleep longer stretches. As I discussed this idea with a more veteran mother, she asked if I before I chose to wean Dacey I might consider making bedtime earlier for myself to see if that helped. This was hard for me because I highly value the time after baby's bedtime as a time to reconnect with Kyle. I decided to try it just a few nights a week, and it totally helped!
We worked out a system where I would go to bed nearly right after Dacey was down for the night (sometimes this meant as early as 7:30!) and Kyle would bring her to me around 10 or 11 for a dream feed. I would hardly even wake up for the dream feed, and he would then take her back to her crib. Even though I would be up later in the night to feed her again, it was never quite the physical drag if I had gotten some good, solid sleep in earlier in the evening. Again, I would only need to do this maybe twice a week, and I cannot tell you how much it helped me in those hardest of months.
Naps
I am not really a big daytime sleeper. I was reminded of this over the weekend when I took laid down for a rare Saturday afternoon nap and woke up so grouchy. I'm sure I was a real joy to be around. Anyway, when Dacey was a new baby, I tried to sleep when she did as much as I could. Anyone with more than one child (particularly a non-napping child) knows that the "sleep when baby sleeps" advice really only works when you have just the one baby. However, maybe you can enlist Daddy's help on the weekends? Maybe Grandma and Grandpa or Auntie or Best Friend could come over to help when you absolutely must nap? Some people are better daytime sleepers than I am . . . if you are, make an effort to receive daytime sleep as God's provision for your physical and emotional health.
Consider Co-Sleeping
We have plans to cover co-sleeping more in-depth in the future as part of our As He Leads Us series, but I would recommend considering at least part-time co-sleeping as a helpful solution. Dacey would start the night in her crib, but when she woke at 2 or 3 AM, I would just bring her to bed, nurse her back to sleep, and we would all generally sleep peacefully until it was time to wake up. To be sure, this won't work for everyone, but we found it to be a great compromise for us (me, the family bed advocate and Kyle, the must-have-space sleeper). Well, with Dacey it was anyway. Aliza Joy is another story for another post . . . another day.
So that's what we have.
What about you?
Please share your best "here's how I made it through" solutions with us and the SortaCrunchy faithful today!
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(AND! If you haven't already entered, please don't miss the chance to win a copyof Marla Taviano's Changing Your World One Diaper at a Time! Giveaway closes tomorrow night!)
