The idea of living life intentionally is one which gains momentum and enthusiasm as this new century continues to unfurl. We want to make intentional decisions in relationships, in our careers, and in our homes. It makes sense that we would seek out a deliberate approach to parenting as well.
Earlier this month, I told you about Mandi's incredible month-long series - 31 Days of Organizing for a better 2010. Today she invites readers to consider to become a more intentional parent, and I am honored that she has invited me to share a few thoughts on this topic.
I think when we hear phrases such as "intentional parenting," there's the temptation to be intimidated. Visions of calm, placid parents who move gently and serenely through the season of parenting with a zen-inspired aura of peace may come to mind.
Friends, let me assure you it is nothing as other-worldly and unattainable as all that!
Parenting intentionally can actually be broken down into three very practical concepts - purpose, time, and thoughtfulness.
* If the concept of being more deliberate as a parent appeals to you, reflect on the why behind that. For me, I spend so much of my days with my children providing instruction and discipline that I want and need to have some moments (daily, if I play my cards right) when we can just be.
* We all know how quickly time moves past us. You won't become an intentional parent on accident; you have to seek out time to make it work.
* The thoughtfulness aspect is the most challenging for me. I can be seemingly engaged in activity with one of the girls, but my mind is miles away paddling through steams of mental distraction. The aspect of intentional parenting that requires the most sacrifice for me is committing to single-task thinking as I sit in a moment with one of my children.
How to become more intentional in parenting:
1. Create time
Think about what the rhythm and routine of your family looks like. Are there pockets of time already existing that can be designated as "connect with the kids" time? For parents of babies, this may be the time each evening when you give your wee one a massage before bedtime. For toddlers and preschoolers, perhaps this means making story time a standing appointment. Older children may enjoy one-on-one outings or road trips.
Moments that offer opportunity to be a parent with purpose can be large or small. A kiss on the forehead as you buckle the car seat or a big bear-hug before one of you leaves the house when done deliberately can be as meaningful as bigger blocks of time together.
2. Allow spaceWhen I say "allow space," what I really mean is "turn off and tune out noise." Close the laptop. Put down the iPhone. (Or if you are really daring, turn it off completely.) Silence the television. Exist in a space created just for you and your child. Instead of nodding and oh, isn't that nice, really listen to what your child tells you.
3. Invite connectionSeek out what delights your child and find a way to make a connection through that. A five minute game of peek-a-boo may not seem like much to you, but it's probably immensely fulfilling to your ten month old. It really doesn't matter at all what the activity is - what matters is how you show up for it. Distracted, half-hearted, or hurried? Or grateful, slowed-down, and engaged? More likely than not, your child desires for you to initiate a connection. Pursue that relationship with conviction and belief that your investment will come back to you in immeasurable ways.
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A few months ago, a friend emailed me a quote she found to be particularly inspiring - even she did find this inspiration on a Starbucks cup! It's from author Noah benShea, and he says,
"Do not kiss your children so they will kiss you back but so they will kiss their children, and their children’s children."
And really, that's what it comes down to, isn't it?
Can you allow your mind to peek into the imaginary future? In your brightest, sunniest visions of the future, how do you want to see your children engaging with their children? Distracted by technology and multitasking away the sweetest days of life? Or perhaps you would rather envision them deliberately engaged in the miraculous work they are doing daily.
Day by day, year by year, our children are learning how to parent by watching us. Terrifying truth, isn't it? But may we also be empowered in knowing that through small, simple acts of purpose, we can daily grow to be the parents we know and believe we can be.
If you are here for the first time from Organizing Your Way - welcome! I invite you to get to know me a little better, subscribe to SortaCrunchy, or read more of my thoughts on parenting, natural living, and faith.
Photo by D Sharon Pruitt
