SortaCrunchy

API Speaks!

(Yes, it's nearly one in the morning and I really am up this late blogging.  Short story made long - AJ is still sick, and now has a croup-y cough (not real croup, mind you, just a croup-y cough) (can you do parentheses inside parentheses?  Anyone know?  I guess I just did.) ), and she also has a nervous mama who doesn't like the sound of all that wheezing and would rather just sit up and doze with her all night than toss and turn and worry in bed until morning.)

This more-than-normal amount of time being invested in some intense nighttime parenting reminded me that I've let nearly a week go by without mentioning the exciting news that Attachment Parenting International has introduced a new blog: API Speaks! 

How awesome is this?  I've had the gorgeous opportunity to meet so many wonderful AP mamas through online connections.  I look forward to hearing from more of them at API Speaks.  In fact, I already have a couple of favorite articles:

* Remember our recent discussion on wearing the new baby?  Check this out - Dr. Maria Blois will be writing feature articles twice a month at API Speaks and her first article is on wearing a newborn.

AND

* I am loving Scylla's article Spare the Crib, Spoil Thyself as it speaks to exactly why I am an AP mama!   

Think you might like to contribute to the AP community by telling your story at API Speaks?  I do believe they are open to submissions right now and you can find their guidelines here.

Do you have a favorite AP resource (either online or off) that has encouraged you in your parenting journey?  I would love to hear about it! 

SortaCrunchy Recommends: Wearing the new baby (and beyond)

I'm feeling babywearing vibes from all over today!

First of all, I saw this post at Adventures in Babywearing wherein Stephanie has created a fab babywearing bloggers blogroll.  Next, I got an email from the wonderful company that started me out in wearing Baby Dacey - Lucky Baby.  (Who wants 10% off a new Lucky Baby sling?  Enter code LUCKY17 at checkout and voila!  10% off your next purchase today through March!)  Thirdly, my sister was telling me about her friend whose three week old son cries and cries unless she is holding him.  Oh my yes, do I know what that is like.  I told my sister her friend needs to get herself  sling!

All of this serves as motivation for me to finally publish a post I've been meaning to get written since my friend Megan (FriedOkra) asked me for my recommendations a while back.  A long while back.  Sorry, Megan!

Megan's question:
I need your ponderous, careful input about slings vs. wraps for newborns. What have you used and why? CAN one really get the right sling/wrap and learn how to NURSE baby in one? Ever?

I don't know about ponderous or careful, but I am always more than happy to share my experiences!  I wrote a bit about my general babywearing recommendations back in November, but wearing the newborn is an art in and of itself.

I didn't know about babywearing (beyond the Snugli) until D was about five or six months old, so I don't have a ton of newborn babywearing experience.  I have been wearing AJ since she was born, and I will be happy to share what worked for us in the earliest days and weeks - a ring sling.  My personal favorite is my Chicken Scratch ring sling, but there are a ton of wonderfully made and gorgeous unpadded ring slings on the market.

I like ring slings because they are infinitely adjustable and versatile.  I wore AJ in the tummy-to-tummy hold when she was a newborn and switched to the hip carry when she was six or eight weeks old.  A ring sling should last you on into toddlerhood, making it a great buy if you can only afford to have one carrier in your stash.

As far as nursing a baby in a sling?  Well, I've never been able to, but I also have oversupply issues combined with overactive letdown in the first six weeks of breastfeeding.  I have heard tell of plenty of mamas who have been able to nurse their babies while wearing them.  I'm just not one of them.  I would bet perusing the archives at TheBabyWearer forums would be helpful to anyone wanting to get tips on how to do this.  Also, I bet the mamas at your local La Leche League or Attachment Parenting International meetings would be able to give hands-on help.

Megan asked what I have used, so that's my recommendation based on actual experience.  There are many, many women who love a lightweight wrap for newborns.  The Moby is a particularly popular choice.  I've never worn a wrap, mostly because all the fabric is a little intimidating to me.  Wrap fans tend to really, really love their wraps, so there's got to be something to that.  Honestly, if I didn't already have a mei tai, I would have probably preferred a wrap.  My mei tai allows me to be totally hands-free, and I would imagine a wrap is the same way.  I think it is particularly important to have something you feel good about needing to do very few adjustments with your carrier if you have more than one child in your care.  The only drawback to a lightweight wrap is eventually baby will be too heavy to wear in it, so you'll have to choose a new carrier.  (and when I say lightweight, I am not thinking of the super gorgeous, heavy duty, woven wraps like Storchs and Didys!)

If you are able to get more than one carrier, I cannot tell you enough how much I love our Ergo.  Unfortunately, I hear rumblings that Ergo's business practices have not been so great lately (particularly to work-at-home parent businesses), so my glowing review of the Ergo is a little hesitant now, but I seriously could not survive these days without ours.  AJ spends a lot of time riding on my back in it around the house.  It makes my life so. much. easier.  There are lots of soft-structured carriers (also known in some places as buckle carriers) on the market today.  Here's a sampling at Attached to Baby: Buckle Baby Carriers.  (Personally, I am drooling over the Beco Butterfly!)  A buckle carrier is definitely a carrier that will take you far past infancy, so if you have some extra money in the budget or a doting grandma-to-be who wants to indulge you, I highly recommend one of these type carriers.

I'd love to hear from ya'll!  What was your favorite baby carrier for the newborn stage?  Did you find it was a good carrier for beyond infancy?  I'm always looking to increase my babywearing knowledge.  Please share!

SortaCrunchy Q&A #14 - Tips and Tricks (sorta)

It's just gorgeous here today. Really, really gorgeous. Days like today make me wanna belt out a few verses of "God Blessed Texas" (If you wanna see heaven brother here's your chance). Added bonus - Miss D has been especially delightful the past few days. Just a real dream of a child (where are you, O Wood, that I may knock upon you?), and that has made life particularly sweet in my SortaCrunchy home.

And that puts me in a good place to answer today's SortaCrunchy question from Birdie of BirdBrain. Birdie is a fun and funky (in a good way, girl!) new mama to one sweet little September '07 man - Otto. Stop over and say hey if you have time!

Birdie asks, "What are your favorite tricks and tools of the Mama trade? What objects/tricks/ideas/attitudes get you through the day with two little ones?"

Honestly, I don't have a lot of tips. Or tricks. Well, some tricks. Like telling D that Cliff Kid Chocolate Brownie Organic Z Bars are "Bunny Scout Brownies." Those brownies are my back-up plan when she refuses to eat a meal, and she is ever so delighted to devour a Bunny Scout Brownie - Max and Ruby style.

So yeah, I have tricks like that.

But my only real tip is one that was given to me by Martha Sears, the mama of the Attachment Parenting super duo who co-authored The Baby Book with her husband, Dr. William Sears.

(Sidenote - I know I talk about the Sears an awful lot. I am not on their payroll. I just love them. I truly, truly do. Their books and website helped bring me from a dark, disappointed, and unhappy place in my mothering to a joyful, uplifted, and inspired turnaround. That's all.)

So anyway.

Martha Sears writes in The Baby Book that in parenting her own high-needs child, she had to learn to get behind her eyes. That phrase, that instruction, that advice has been the single most helpful parenting tip I have ever come across.

When D was a baby and was crying, fussy, out-of-sorts, whatever, I would take a deep breath, close my eyes for a second or two, then open them and look right into my daughter's eyes. Then I would imagine her looking out at me and ask myself, "If I were looking out of those eyes, what would I need to see to feel better?" I sure wouldn't want to see an angry, frustrated, exhausted mama. So no matter how angry, frustrated, or exhausted I was, I forced myself to be the mama she needed me to be at that moment. More often than not, all she needed was some peace, compassion, and understanding . . . maybe in the form of a bouncy walk around the room, perhaps an extra long hug with quiet whispers of affirmation in her ear. It usually wasn't much, but it almost always worked to just get behind her eyes and really think about what is was she was needing.

I gotta tell ya'll this. Life is proving to be quite unfair to my angelic AJ. Her two bottom teeth are threatening to erupt any day now. Yes! At not quite three months! Bless her heart. So this laid-back and content angel of a baby has been uncharacteristically needy and fussy for a few days. I find myself going back to Martha's advice and still find it works like a charm. Heck, it even works when D is going into meltdown mode and she's almost three.

I wonder if it'll work for pre-teen hormonal angst? We'll see.

Anyway, friend Birdie, that is the best I can offer in terms of tips and tricks. I hope it helps you as much as it helped is helping me.

Labels: attachment parenting, baby, mothering, NaBloPoMo, parenting a toddler

SortaCrunchy Q&A #3 - Choosing a baby carrier

I need more coffee, ya'll. Or more sleep. Somethin. I am so sluggish these days! I feel awful that I am not making my bloggy rounds to see what everyone is up to this fine week. I am just plum worn out. I hope to be up for more socializing very soon . . .

In the meantime, my next SortaCrunchy question is from Elle of A Complete Thought. (VERY insightful and informative writer, by the way. I highly suggest you check her out!) She asks, "I was a baby wearer as well. I loved the soothing aspect for both mama and baby. What benefits would you discuss with a new mama debating whether to Bjorn or sling?"

It's funny, just this very morning at playgroup day at the gym, a mama asked me this question!

Let me start by saying that babywearing is one of those practices that I was sorta forced into by my lovely high needs oldest daughter. She just would not lay in that stinkin' infant car seat (we call it the bucket) while I grocery shopped, and it all it took was one trip through the aisles with her precariously clutched against my chest with one hand while I dragged the cart with the other for me to decide I had to find a better solution. I had registered for a Bjorn, but never received one. I'm a (wo)man of means by no means, so I had to settle for a cheaper knock-off. It worked okay . . . for about a month. Then my shoulders started to ache within fifteen minutes of wearing Jabba the Baby (D weighed fourteen and a half pounds at two months and eighteen pounds at four months!), and by the time I had made my rounds through the grocery store, I would be close to tears.

Again, I knew I had to find a better solution. By sheer chance miracle, I saw a post on my mommy message board about Lucky Baby pouch slings. By this time, D was five months old and could easily ride on my hip, so I ordered one, and my love for babywearing began!

To get back to Elle's question, the biggest benefit, in my opinion, to choosing a non-structured carrier instead of a Bjorn-style carrier is that you will be lucky to get six months of wear out of a Bjorn. A non-structured carrier (pouch sling, mei tai, wrap, ring sling, or soft structured carrier) will take you well into toddlerhood. I was wearing D in our Ergo right up until I got pregnant with AJ. Certainly, any new mama may want to choose the more mainstream and widely available Bjorn and it will work fine while the baby is little. But if she is already planning to spend close to $100 on a carrier (or someone is buying one for her), I highly recommend researching non-structured carriers as an alternative.

(Side note - there are some concerns about structured carriers having some negative impacts on a baby's development or possibly contributing to hip dysplasia, but this would generally only happen if baby were worn for hours on end for several months in such a carrier. Interestingly, there is evidence that a non-structured carrier will contribute positively to a baby's developing spine as is evidenced by this article.)

My personal recommendations, you ask? I will tell you my two very, very favorites are the above-mentioned Ergo and our Mei Tai Baby. Neither of my girls have liked be worn in the cradle carry which is a popular way to wear newborns in a pouch (like Lucky Baby or Hotsling) or ring sling (like Maya Wrap or Taylor Made). Both the Ergo and Mei Tai Baby allow me to wear them upright which is the three of us seem to prefer. I prefer the Mei Tai Baby over the many other makers of mei tai carriers because 1)it has the adjustable bottom which makes it easier to wear newborns and 2) you have the option of ordering one with removable panels so when you tire of the print, you can switch the panel out for a totally new look! So, those are my favorites, but there is great big (overwhelming) world of choices out there.

Again, returning to Elle's question, here's what I would advise a friend who is looking into buying a carrier and wants to go a different route from a Bjorn. (JB and KM, this is for you!)

1) Register for an account at TheBabywearer.com. Once you have registered there, you have access to the plethora of carrier listings and reviews. HUGE help.

2) Sign up for a Paypal account. If you decide to buy a brand new carrier and want to shop from a parent-owned business, there are some who can only accept payments from credit cards through Paypal. You can link your Paypal account to your checking account as well which works out nicely if you are paying cash for your new carrier.

If you decide you want to buy a used carrier, you will most likely need a Paypal account to pay the seller. More on that in a second.

3) Start browsing stores that sell carriers. There are many. Many. Many. Attached to Baby is a great resource. Fox Den Lane is another good one. Then there's Mamas Milk.

Readers - where do you like to shop for carriers? Who would you suggest?

Browsing these stores will give you a good idea of what style of carrier you might like and how much they run brand new. If you are buying new, then you may just find the carrier of your dreams while you are window shopping one day!

4) I have only purchased a few of our slings brand new. I am a bargain hunter and hate to pay retail when I can find it for less somewhere. Two places you can shop for gently used slings are Ebay and the For Sale or Trade Forum at thebabywearer. Ebay - ehhhh. I am not a good Ebay shopper and never seem to get quite as good of a deal as I think I am going to. If you are a good Ebayer, maybe you will have more luck than I have had. I prefer the FSOT forum.

5) If you are shopping the FSOT forum, it may be intimidating at first because most every listing will use abbreviations. What you can do is use the "search forum" feature to search only for the specific carrier you are looking for (for example, do a search in that forum for "hotsling").

If you are going to buy from FSOT, make sure to read through the stickied post called "FSOT rules and helpful hints."

Speaking of abbreviating, I should wrap this up. (Get it? Wrap?)

Here's a neat blog I just stumbled across as I was preparing this post - will have to check it out: The Baby Carrier

Would love to hear from anyone who wants to share their babywearing favorites! I am always up for some babywearing chit-chat!

Labels: attachment parenting, baby, babywearing, NaBloPoMo

Regrets . . . I've had a few . . .

Would you like to know what I am listening to right now? Silence. Pure, golden silence. AJ is snoozing happily beside me and D is off in Dream Land. I have all fingers and toes crossed that the two prior days of nap strikage were just flukes and that we can hang on to this nap time a bit longer. Thank you so much for your encouragement and commiseration yesterday! It means the world to me.

Stressing out Thinking reflectively on D's nap times (and lack thereof) hearkens me back to a different place and time. A time when I was a shiny brand new mama (and by shiny, I mean shiny-faced due to lack of personal hygiene combined with not a just a few shed tears. And my - that sounds pitiful! It wasn't all that bad. I suppose.) Anyway, Shiny Brand New Mama spent the first three to four months of her oldest child's life completely, utterly, stupidly obsessed with her child's sleep, or lack thereof. See, a well-meaning family member had well-meaningly given Shiny Brand New Mama a copy of a book said family member had found to be helpful when her children were babies. The subtitle to this book is Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep. Shiny Brand New Mama had read this book voraciously before her oldest was born and fully intended to follow all of the book's commandments in getting baby on a schedule so baby and Mama and Daddy could all sleep through the night by the time she was six weeks old. I mean, come on! Who wouldn't want that?!

Oh, sure, there were mamas on her mommy message board who tried to offer warnings about this book - that it was not only unnecessary (and actually quite unrealistic) to put baby on a schedule at such an early age, but it was also sometimes dangerous. Shiny Brand New Mama brushed off the warnings, thinking to herself that these mamas just didn't follow the plan correctly. Again, sleep through the night at six weeks! Come on, people! What on earth could be dangerous about that?

So the day came when Shiny Brand New Mama's baby woke up to the world, just about two weeks after her grand (albeit late) arrival. It become quite obvious to Shiny Brand New Mama that Baby didn't read a copy of this book with all that free time she had in-utero. No, in fact, this Baby was born with a plan. A plan to get her Mama to get to know what she needed to get acclimated to this big, scary new world. She tried and tried to tell her Mama that she had no intentions of being put on a schedule at this tender young age, but her Mama . . . well, she wasn't listening.

And so Shiny Brand New Mama and her Baby had a rough start. Mama kept a tediously detailed sleep journal, noting the exact minute Baby went to sleep and the exact minute she woke up and all of the various techniques she tried for getting Baby to go to sleep (except - heaven forbid! - rocking and holding and cuddling and slinging! Oh my, no. Gotta get Baby to be an independent sleeper, or you know what will happen . . . she'll need to be rocked to sleep until she is seven and she will never, no not ever, sleep through the night. And it will be all. your. fault.)

Well, very, very long story short, Shiny Brand New Mama spent most of Baby's early months wracked with guilt and plagued with tears over her inability to get Baby on The Schedule. Every time a friend or stranger innocently asked how she was sleeping at night, Shiny Brand New Mama cringed. And lied. Every New Mama knows that how her baby is sleeping at night is a direct reflection on how good of a mother she is. Or isn't.

I can write this now as a Not Quite Shiny Mama, a mama who looks back on those days with such regret. Not the aching, desperate kind of regret that follows me around all day. Nah. Just the resigned regret of knowing I missed out on such sweetness in D's earliest days. I missed out on having her sleep contently on my chest (as AJ is doing at this very moment). I missed nuzzling and snuggling her off to sleep. I missed experiencing the unforced rhythms of life with a newborn because I was so angry that she wouldn't sleep when she was "supposed to". I couldn't allow myself the joy of getting to know her amazing and vibrant personality because I was too busy fretting over how I was failing her. If only I had possessed a crystal ball in those days . . . some manner of seeing into the future and being able to be assured that yes, D would eventually be able to go to sleep without being rocked for even a minute. That, indeed, she would sleep through the night. It didn't happen until she was around two, but it happened. And it's wonderful. And she's wonderful. And I did not fail her.

Eventually, I found another book that brought me such peace in choosing to parent instinctively. Ah yes, when you know better, you do better. And the regrets - well, you accept them, even embrace them, because without them there is often little motivation for change.

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SortaWhat? Part Two

Wow, I will tell you what . . . There is nothing like being out of town for the better part of a week to allow a mama to see how much she does around the house on a daily basis! D and I got home Friday night and I am just now climbing out from under the piles of laundry and dust bunnies.

(And on that note, I am so terribly, TERRIBLY behind on my blog reading. Reading the blogs of both my friends and the amazing women whom I have "met" in the blogosphere is such an important part of my day. I am suffering from tremendous blogger guilt and frustration in not being able to read and comment as much as I would like to, and Google Reader is just taunting me by reminding me I have 100+ posts to peruse! Anyway, soon and very soon I will be back in the swing of things.)

So to continue the conversation on why I choose to identify myself as "sort of" crunchy (yep, Katherine, as in granola-y . . . mmmmmmm, granola . . .), I am just going to outline the natural family living (NFL for short, but not the kind of NFL your man wants you to appreciate) practices that are an important part of my life.

Natural Family Living Philosophies/Beliefs I practice:

* child-led weaning
I used to say "extended breastfeeding," but I have taken a step away from that term for now. Breastfeeding advocacy is very important to me, but at the same time, I want to emphasize that I believe in a mutual weaning process. I have friends online and in my community whose babies simply would have nothing more to do with the breast after nine months or six months or some age earlier than a year old. In these cases, the breastfeeding mother would have loved to have practiced "extended breastfeeding" (general term for breastfeeding past a year), but saw the need to balance her desire to breastfeed with her desire to respect and follow her baby's desires.

I found that Kellymom was a great place to start in researching common questions and concerns regarding breastfeeding past infancy.

* cloth diapering
I have a ton of posts about cloth diapering which you could easily access through my Blogger tags. When it comes down to it, I love cloth diapering because I think it is best for the environment, best for baby's skin, and definitely best in overall cuteness. :)

* babywearing
Although that particular "label" may be new to some, the art of wearing a baby is as old as time. You've no doubt seen mainstream versions of babywearing in the form of Baby Bjorn and New Native carriers, but those carriers are just the very tippy-top of the babywearing iceberg.

I had toyed with idea of buying a carrier before D was born; I had no idea the high-needs baby about to be delivered to me would make it a necessity rather than luxury to have some kind of device by which to keep her on me for the majority of the day. I have worn D in ring slings, pouch slings, Mei Teis (Asian Baby Carriers), and my personal favorite for toddlerhood - the Ergo.

TheBabywearer.Com offers a vast array of babywearing information. These articles say it all much better than I ever could!

* emphasis on whole foods (organic when possible)
I feel guilty even mentioning this because pregnancy triggers within me non-stop cravings for junk! and sugar! and junk! and comfort foods! and junk!

But in my normal, non-pregnant life, I try to make the healthiest cooking and eating choices available to me and my family. Last summer, The Coach and I went vegetarian for a while and really enjoyed the change. D is a born vegetarian (seriously, the only meat the child will eat is turkey lunch meat and corn dogs from Sonic *red-face*). We love to shop the local farmers' market and are thankful we don't live near enough to a Whole Foods Market to shop there because we manage to spend astronomical amounts of money on each visit to that holy mecca.

* shared sleep (co-sleeping)
EDITED - It wasn't until I went upstairs to lay down with D for a nap that I remembered that we also practice shared sleep!
We never intended to be co-sleepers, but again, it was one of those things that just sort of happened. Now I cannot wait for Little Sister to be here so we can snuggle a wee one between us in bed again. Big Sister sleeps in her crib full-time now (well, with the rare exception - like last night when a bad dream awakened her and her daddy said, "Just let her sleep with us . . ."), so I miss that snuggle time at night.

The Sears site has some great information (including VERY important safety tips) on co-sleeping.

* Attachment Parenting
One need not practice NFL in order to practice Attachment Parenting, but by and large, the same parents who are drawn to natural living also find they connect with the Attachment Parenting philosophy. I will not try to reinvent the wheel here on what AP is. A great deal of information is available at askdrsears.com including What Attachment Parenting Is and What It Is Not. Some time ago, I also shared how it came to be that Attachment Parenting chose me.

Natural Family Living Philosophies/Beliefs I Do Not Practice (or Why I Am Not One Hundred Percent Crunchy)

At this point in time, we believe we are led to send our children to public schools. There are many in the NFL community who choose to homeschool for a variety of reasons. The Coach and I feel a special call to have our children in public schools, but we are open to whatever God leads us to do at any given time for any of our children.

Also at this time, if we are blessed with a son, we will choose to have him circumcised. This is very unusual in the NFL community as a whole, but it is an issue about which The Coach holds strong feelings and I am at peace in following his leadership in this area.

D has been vaccinated on schedule. You will find many families who practice natural living choose not to vaccinate their children. After much discussion and thoughtful consideration, we feel vaccinating is a good choice for us at this time. The two of us are currently in negotiations over whether or not Little Sister will be vaxed on schedule. I would like to follow a delayed vax schedule, but that is not set in stone yet.

Finally, as I have recently talked about, I am choosing an elective repeat c-section for Little Sister's delivery. As much as I fully support and strongly believe in the beauty and power of a natural vaginal delivery, there are factors that complicate and muddy my situation that have turned what could be a black-and-white issue into a big gray area for me.

So there ya have it! A fairly concise picture of me straddling the fence between crunchy and mainstream. Thankfully I am not posting an actual picture of me straddling anything! My big ol' pregnant self does not need to be shown straddling anything at this moment in time.

That reminds me, I think I owe ya'll a belly shot . . . no fences. I promise.

Labels: babywearing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, food, general natural family living

So, I have a confession to make . . .

Dacey turns 18 months tomorrow. How that is even possible is beyond me. But anyway, my confession is that today I went to my very first ever meeting of La Leche League . What on earth would posess me, you might ask, to go to an LLL meeting when I have already been breastfeeding for 18 months? Well, as much as I love, love, love my online community of mamas in varying degrees of crunchy-hood, I find myself yearning to hang with some real-life, reach out and touchable like-minded mamas. And boy did I find some today!

There were seven mamas there total, including the LLL leader. The leader is a cute, smart woman with a cute, smart name (Megan - hee hee). Of the seven, three were pregnant - very pregnant, like due any day now pregnant, and the other mamas had babes younger than Dace. So it felt kind of strange, but strange in a good way. Mostly because when I was pregnant, I would have never even dreamed I would be breastfeeding a toddler. Confession #2 for today - I used to think that breastfeeding past infancy was creepy. I felt quite sure that once teeth started to come in, it was time to get the babe off the boob. But then I HAD a babe who responded so enthusiastically to breastfeeding that, well, the creep-out factor has long since disappeared. And interestingly, the discussion topic today had to do with weaning! :) So there we were, living proof that just because your friends and neighbors all think that 12 months is the upper limit for nursing doesn't mean you HAVE to get put away (or burn) that nursing bra just yet.

I gotta tell ya, friends, these three women who were there who are pregnant are cuhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrruuuuuunchy! They were a great reminder why I titled my blog "sorta crunchy." While I do try to incorporate natural living and parenting into our lives as much as possible, there are some areas I just can't give myself over to complete and utter crunch. Air conditioning, for example. One of the moms-to-be lives here - in sweaty south Texas - with no air conditioning. By choice. And she is great with child. Wow! I totally admire her for allegiance to natural living! But I can tell you right now that I would be loathe to spend a day with no a/c, let alone be preparing to give birth in such circumstances. And yeah, all three women are planning home births attended by the local midwife. And this is another area where I failed the test of granola-ific-ness. Confession #3 - I didn't even entertain the thought of a natural childbirth. Seriously. My suspicion that I have a tremendously low pain threshold was decidedly confirmed for me by the time I hit 4 cm of dialation and had labored for 8 hours. I formed a strong emotional bond with the man who got me my epidural. Really, I did - he was a great help and support to me through the c-section process. And so I applaud with reckless abandon the women who are able to deliver babies into this world without any medicinal relief. You should probably just know I am not one of them.

And all of this ties back into the article I posted earlier. Attachment Parenting, natural living, crunchiness . . . whatever label you want to put on parenting choices, does not (in my humble opinion) have to be a 100% sold-out lifestyle. As I discuss with you the natural parenting choices we make, I will be sure to point out the ones we have chosen not to and why. But like the article I posted reminds us, it really comes down to a state of mind. It is much more important to be authentic to who you are as a parent and as a family rather than to make parenting decisions based on that which is expected of you by your community.

Okay, one LAST thing -- I shamelessly put Dace in a sundress that I knew would show off her cute little lavender Happy Heiny in hopes of sparking some cloth diapering conversation. And it worked! One of the mamas stopped me afterwards to talk cloth! She is thinking of making the switch because it pains her to see all the disposables that go out in the trash when they so meticulously recycle most everything else. I had a hot pink Fuzzi Bunzin the diaper bag to let her touch and experience. :) So maybe a seed was planted . . . we'll see.

Labels: attachment parenting, breastfeeding, general natural family living

What is Attachment Parenting?

First of all - YAY to comments! I am so excited someone is actually reading! hee hee! Meghan - you sweet mama. I stalk your blog relentlessly so I can relive all those wonderful newborn moments vicariously through you and Xan. *sigh* Treasure those days, woman!

Okay, that's probably enough exclamation points for one day.

So yesterday I shared my thoughts on my own introduction to Attachment Parenting and why it was the best choice for myself, for my husband, and for our daughter. I know not everyone is familiar with the concepts behind Attachment Parenting, so I wanted to share this article by Diane West that I think sums up the philosophy wonderfully.

AP State of Mind

It seems to me that in a lot of AP communities, both on and offline, there is a lot of emphasis on the parenting choices that often go hand-in-hand with APing . . . things like cloth diapering, babywearing, choosing not to vaccinate or circumcize, etc. But as the article so wonderfully explains, Attachment Parenting is a state of mind that governs all parenting decisions, not just parenting practices.

Labels: attachment parenting

So, let's start at the beginning . . .

I have been thinking about what to share and when a lot in the past few days . . .

I know I would not have chosen many of the natural parenting practices in our life if it weren't for the fact that I sort of stumbled into Attachment Parenting. I didn't choose Attachment Parenting - it chose me. I want to share on this blog some thoughts about this idea that I posted on a private mommy board I belong to. It's fairly long, but gives some perspective on how I came to find that for me and my household, we need to be AP:

September 18, 2005

Several years ago, when my husband and I first started thinking about starting a family, his sister gave me her copy of Babywise. I read it several times because something in it seemed to make sense to me. (gasp! I know -- but keep reading!) On the surface, (and this is my opinion ONLY) Babywise appealed to the part of me that desperately wanted to do things the “right” way when it came to starting a family. My relationship with my husband is extremely important to me, and BW made it sound like if you follow his plan, you can introduce a baby to the family without rocking the marital boat at all. PLUS, your baby will sleep through the night at 6 weeks! Or no later than 8 weeks! And, hey, what’s not to love about that? So I jumped on the BW wagon long before Dacey first danced for us on the ultrasound screen.

So, Dacey Allyse came into this world via emergency c/s at 5:43 am on Jan 28th. It was very scary at the end, and we could have lost her. Since I had no delusions of natural childbirth (I will be the first to admit I don’t do well with pain!), I wasn’t the least disappointed to have delivered through c/s. I was amazingly grateful that she was alive. So that first night, I asked everyone to leave to go get sleep -- really, I just ached to have some alone time with my daughter. By the end of the first night, I had pulled Dacey into bed with me, and already I felt guilty for breaking one of the “rules.” But I already felt powerfully attached to her. My bonding with her was instant and fierce beyond what I had dreamed possible. In those moments as she slept peacefully beside me in that hospital bed, I knew there was no way I could ever leave her alone to cry. . .

After we got home, I found I wanted to hold her all the time. I was struggling to make breastfeeding work, but thankfully my mother-in-law came for two weeks to take care of everything else so I could focus on Dacey. Sometimes she would suggest I might be holding Dace too much, and I sank deeper into guilt, because I so badly wanted to do the “right” thing and not spoil Dacey, but I was compelled to have her near me at all times! And so began the internal battles that mark so much of Dacey’s first months of life -- I desperately wanted to do the right things, but so much of what I read was “right” felt so WRONG to do!

I could go on and on about how miserable I was those first months -- constantly questioning my every decision -- should I have not rocked her to sleep? Did I let her cry too long? What’s going to happen if I keep rocking her to sleep? Why won’t she be content to stay in her bucket carrier while I grocery shop? I have her on a good feeding schedule -- WHY isn’t she sleeping through the night?? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? Worse still, I felt I couldn't be honest with my BW-following friends. Yes, of course she sleeps in her crib at night (at 6 weeks . . . . yeah right!). Mmmm hmmmm, I let her cry to sleep if she needs to (not even for FIVE MINUTES). But on the inside, I was torn. I felt like a fraud and a failure everyday.

My husband, bless his heart, felt helpless to help me. He did encourage me to let Dacey sleep with us at night. He actually preferred to have her in bed with us! I kept asking him, “what if she is still sleeping with us when she is TWO?” “I don’t care!” he told me over and over. . . . Finally, he DEMANDED I not pick up another baby book. He could see how miserable I was. I cried almost every day. I was so disappointed. Disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to let her cry. Disappointed in Dacey for not acting the way the books all but promised she would. And I was scared. Was my “indulgence” of her going to turn her into the fussy, miserable, demanding baby that BW used as the example for “what not to do”???

(One bright spot in all of this -- feeding her was never a concern. We got through the first few weeks of breastfeeding and we both were doing great. I demand fed her for the first month, but quickly found that a loosely structured schedule of feedings really did work for both of us. Nursing Dacey was the only thing I felt confident in during those first months!)

OKAY, anyway!! The boss’s wife had given me her copy of Sears’ The Baby Book when I was pregnant. Of course, since I was into BW, I just put in on the shelf. There’s no way I was falling for that AP stuff!! I thought, I don’t know much, but I know what AP kids turn into -- spoiled brats! (Yes, that was what I really thought!)

But you know what? I finally allowed myself to read something Dr. Sears wrote in Babytalk a few months ago. It was about high-needs babies. When my husband and I read that article, we stared at each other. He had described Dacey perfectly. My heart softened toward Dr. Sears because he knew what having a high-needs baby was about, and he offered a peaceful, compassionate alternative to parenting her.

So last night, I finally got out The Baby Book and started reading a little bit. I was actually in tears. If only, IF ONLY!! If only I had read THAT when I was pregnant. If only I had KNOWN about the benefits of baby wearing and shared sleep and that not only is it okay to follow what your heart leads you to do in parenting, it is THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I feel so stupid that the encouragement and direction I desperately needed in those early months was on my bookshelf the whole time!!

So, if you are still reading this (and bless your heart if you are!), I guess I just want to say THANK YOU to all of the AP moms on here. In reading your posts, I saw that it’s okay that Dacey isn’t totally sleeping through the night yet. It’s okay to not let her cry it out or become a self-soother yet if it breaks my heart to do so. (And, again, no judgment implied or intended to those who have found success with CIO -- it just never worked for us.) It’s okay to hold and carry her when she wants to be held and carried. She will not be a monster baby! In fact, the funny thing is, people CONSTANTLY comment on what a laid-back, alert, content baby she is!! (Of course, she wasn’t in those early months, but amazingly, she is now!)

I could still go on and on about how in reading The Baby Book, I have found parenting advice that completely echoes the approach that my husband and I sort of stumbled into on our own. But, there isn't much support for AP practices in my circle of friends. If it weren’t for the online support and encouragement I have found here, I don’t know how I would have made it. So thank you for consistently and passionately sharing your thoughts on parenting practices on here. Your collective support of AP has made a difference in our family. I still feel bad about how miserable and ignorantly stubborn I was in those first months, but all I can say is, now I know better and will do better in the future!

So yeah, that's how Attachment Parenting found me. What I love about AP is at its core, it encourages parents to really get to know their baby so they can best meet the needs of THAT baby - the one God entrusted them both to be able to parent. And as I will share in the coming days, it's within the world of APing that I discovered so many of the natural parenting practices that have made our lives more rich (and fun!) today.

Labels: attachment parenting